Listen or thy tongue will keep thee deaf

Being part of a counselling unit, I have been taught the art of listening. I often feel because if the knowledge I have gained from this experience, I often identify or am more aware now of people who don't listen. To illustrate this specific point, we did an experiment where half the counsellors were told to exit the room and the other half remained inside. The counsellors that left the room were told to tell a specific story as if they were the client. The counsellors in the room were told not to speak but to listen with nodding and eye contact. As the other counsellors entered the silent room, they all sat down at their designated counsellor and began to act out their story but as time went on, the general atmosphere in the room changed from being calm to frustration. The counsellors telling the story got frustrated that the counsellor was not responding back with words. The point of this exercise was to show us that when people talk or have a problem that they are telling you about, they expect a verbal response. Just responding to someone in such a way that all you are saying is the emotions that you are noticing in them like 'I can see this is really upsetting you' is showing that person that you are really listening. A lot of the time, I have personally experienced having a dilemma and telling it to someone close and they don't have anything to say back. It can be so frustrating. But what I find more frustrating is when you are asking for advice and that person you are asking advice from tells you their own experience. Well I acknowledge that this person is probably trying to help you by telling you what they did when they were in a similar circumstance it is not helpful as they are not you! If you are in a situation and you are asking advice, it is about YOU and YOUR situation, but when someone comes along and is telling you about THEIR experience then it no longer becomes about you and thus the advice doesn't really help. It is like a shoe, your shoes don't necessarily fit someone else's foot and vice versa. If someone you seek advice from is telling you all about the way they dealt with this problem then are they really listening to you and your issue? The lesson that is meant to be learned here is that just listening and responding where you are reflecting someone's feelings instead of talking about yourself.

Just remember:

"Most of the successful people I've known are the ones who do more listening that talking"